"Changed my mind so much I can't even trust it. My mind changed me so much I can't even trust myself."

Sometimes internet blogging frightens the hell out of me. Sometimes I feel lonely enough to share but not needy enough to phone a friend or make one. Screens have taken over a hefty percentage of my interaction with humans. But I think I like it. Gossip is no longer gossip it is entertainment, so here you are let me try to entertain you.

The last time you heard from me we were leaving Ireland like 8 months ago. Since then we moved to Portland, found out I was pregnant, moved back home and bought a house, found out she is a girl. All of this while trying to plan a unifying fete next August.

Her name will be Sailor. When I was 19 I worked in the Pike Place market for the Soundview Cafe very briefly, one of the orders came in under the name "Sailor." After a little investigating I found out the order was put in under the name of a tiny three year old southern wild woman. I have saved that name in my memory since then and I am convinced the only reason I worked there was to steal it. Her middle name will remain a secret, when she arrives she can tell you. A girl must have a few secrets.

Sailor is scheduled to arrive on February 18th and I am hoping she is punctual. Pregnancy is more horrible than anything anyone has ever told you. If anyone says they like it they are lying or starving for attention. I will show you my legs and that should frighten you enough to consider adoption.

Josh and I bought a house in Buckley from his parents in fact we signed the papers on Saturday. It is a bizarre feeling to own something and know that you can paint it, or knock a wall out whenever you feel like it. It is also scary when a pipe freezes and you realize there is no landlord to call and you better consult Grandpa Google to try and take care of it. We bought a few vintage Iranian rugs this weekend, one for Sailor and one for us. Pregnancy has turned me into a minimalist and I have a habit of trying to sell everything I find in our house on Ebay. My possessions and I have always had a very volatile relationship. In the back of our house there is a little shed that was in pretty bad shape, Josh has been working on it every night after work since we moved in. I haven't admitted to him how impressed I am by his craftsmanship. I had no idea he was even capable of this type of carpentry, maybe Jesus taught him. He is turning the space into an art studio for us. We have had so many ideas and plans over the years but have let them sit on the back burner. Its time for us to attach a Brillow pad to our drills and dust them off and get started. My Etsy account has only made purchases.

I am ok with my zip code being 98321 for now. Ya, selfishly I would have loved to stay in Portland but after thinking long and hard about my options I realized that being close to family and friends is the best decision for us and Sailorita. Help is freedom. Freedom is travel. Travel is learning. Learning is what satisfies me. I would like to think that my last four years as a flight attendant haven't been a waste, I have gotten to go places and meet people that I never would have been able to otherwise. I know that the time for me to move on is only a degree away. I have known that. I've never been sure of what I wanted to go to school for. I have looked at so many programs and tried to imagine myself doing different jobs and they never have settled quite right, until now. I've realized that there is a passing zone where creativity and originality overtake money, and the wealthy look like slobs. It may be short lived but there is always a point at which the inventive own the road. I want to become an industrial designer and start school next fall or winter. Sailor will get her first passport stamp in Copenhagen Airport next October and Josh and I will suck in as much Danish culture and design as we can. And when we return home I will get to work in our little BONHOMIE BULLPEN. And I won't forget to start dreaming up the plans for my mini Christiania embarkation in 2012.

Lindsey Eames.